Christian Article of the Week

DEALING WITH ANGRY PEOPLE

By Muriel Larson

"Be wise as serpents and as harmless as doves"?Jesus (Matthew 10:16).

When we lived in Texas, my husband cut a hole in our garage door so that our cat could go in and out.  Our dryer vented into the garage.

One day when I started the loaded dryer, I heard a THUNK.  The dryer stopped.  A horrible odor assailed my nose.  "Oh, I've burned out the motor!" I cried.

When my husband came home, he exclaimed, "Whew, what's that awful odor?"

I told him what I thought.  Later he took the back off the dryer to check on it.  "The pulley is off its wheels," he observed.  "Hey, some stiff black hairs are caught in the pulley!

Looks like a skunk was in here when you turned on the dryer and probably got thunked a good one.  I'll bet he was one mad skunk--so he expressed his fury at our dryer, garage, and neighborhood!"

It took a week and a lot of airing before our house recovered from its "distinktive" odor.

SOLUTIONS:

Now that poor skunk had reason to be angry and fill our house with his invective.  But sometimes we have to live with or associate with short-tempered persons who might pour forth their venom on us when we least expect it.  I've had personal experience with this problem; here are some solutions I discovered:

*Don't take it personally.  Often the angry person broods over something someone else did, and you're the scapegoat.  When I figured this out, I was better able to resist responding in anger myself.

*Here's some good Biblical advice:  "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1).  Heeding this sometimes saved me from further abuse.

*Don't argue to defend yourself.  If someone unjustly accuses you, answer once quietly.  Then follow this Scriptural advice:  "Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself" (Proverbs 26:4).  The Bible teaches that a consistently angry person is a fool.  That person will not listen to you, but will just get angrier.

*Sometimes the best thing to do is just listen.  Let the person blow off steam and wind down.

*Excuse yourself and leave the room.  Proverbs 22:24 advises us to avoid an angry person.  Give a reasonable explanation for leaving so as not to further arouse the person's fury.

*Pray for the angry person.  Jesus said for us to pray for those who despitefully use us.  Often such persons suffered abuse themselves when they were young.  Often they carry a heavy load of anger and resentment and are very miserable people.  As we pray for such people, and for patience for ourselves, the Lord and our prayers will certainly help in future encounters.

QUESTIONS: We're not perfect?how can we be able to follow this advice? How can we keep from resenting angry persons who may hurt us much?

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WHEN GOD SAYS "WAIT, NOT NOW"

We all have our goals in our life, our hopes, our dreams, and things in life we truly desire and work towards and all too often it seems that our goal stays just out of reach.   We all face obstacles in our life, come up against trials and troubles that throw us for a loop and send us crashing into a pit of confusion and despair from time to time.  Bad things happen.  Sometimes in a blink of an eye something totally unexpected happens that sends our dream, our hope crashing down and smashing into thousands of tiny pieces and we are devastated, at the very least greatly disappointed and start feeling resentful, angry and frustration sets in.  Life is unfair.  Why me?

I've been there and more than once.  I can truly empathize.  I've worked tirelessly and tried to do all the right things, planned every step so carefully, paid my bills and saved diligently toward my desired goals to only have my every effort wiped away when companies I worked for went belly up and I was out of work, could not find a job that would support my dream, my lifestyle and I lost everything including all I had saved toward my future.  Each time I was back to square one and my life seemed a big fat zero, down to zilch.  People I owed money too didn't care, they only wanted their money; no money, not lights, no phone, no heat, no gas to cook my meals over oh and we will take your car too.  The bank didn't understand or care; they still wanted the mortgage payment or the house.  Taxes still had to be paid and the water and sewage bill or they can shut off the water supply.  We still needed to eat. We still had to take care of our health and without insurance.  Why God, why would you let this happen.  I believed in You.  I trusted You and You let me down.

No, it was not God but I blamed Him anyhow.  He has big shoulders.  People I thought were my friends deserted me and family I trusted criticized me and offered little emotional support.  It seemed like I couldn't do much right in their eyes and they kept their distance so, it seemed to me, my troubles didn't tarnish their lives.  My children became rebellious and angry because their lives had been turned upside down too and I had no answers for them and could make no promises or guarantees for tomorrow because I didn't have a clue.  All my great expectations, all my work, my trying and my plans, my hope for my future seemed to have come to no avail.  My disappointment has been great…and what do I do now?  I was so confused, so frustrated, so bitter, so angry and I felt hopeless and I was afraid…and for a time I was even angry with and blamed God.  After all, He is God and God could have prevented all this mess from happening.  Life just isn't fair.

It's not fair.  It is just not fair but God never said it would be in this world.  Fact is, He said it would be tough and that we would face trials and hardship and temptations and troubles along our way…But, when these things happen we react and our feelings, our emotions go crazy and we go off the deep end and our faith sinks into the pits of confusion and fear and we forget for a time where all good, where our hope, our strength and courage, our talent and knowledge and ability comes from.  It comes from God.  We are crushed by feelings of resentment and rejection.  We hurt and hurt turns to anger and too often in the midst of our frustration we go off on the wrong road, take detours, and do foolish things without much if any forethought and our life gets messier than ever.  We let our feelings get in the way of our faith and trust in God.  We had prayed, asked God's help, tried to follow in His way, trusted Him and then BOOM everything went wrong and fell apart.  Life isn't fair and where was God?  Why didn't He help?  Why hadn't God answered my prayers?  Why had he allowed my dream to grow only to allow it to be crushed, smashed to smithereens and send me plummeting back to square one again to face starting over on an apparently hopeless venture?  Why me?  Why would God let this happen?  All these feelings, these questions, these emotions pummel our mind and beat us into a "bad attitude" that gets us nowhere.  We give up and wonder what is the use, why even bother to try again and we blame everything and everyone for our misery, even God.  Don't blame God.

God hears our prayers and He knows our heart and the plan He has set for us.  God has a plan and a purpose for each of our lives and when we follow Him, keep our faith and trust in Him that plan will come together, bud and bloom and bear fruit; all in God's good time according to His will and plan for our life.  Sometimes God says "Yes," and things fall right into place.  Sometimes God says "No" because the direction we want to take will lead us down the wrong road and sometimes God says "Wait, not now, be patient, trust Me and wait."   Isaiah 64:4 " For since the beginning of the world men have not heard nor perceived by the ear, nether has the eye seen O God beside thee, what He has prepared for him that waits for Him."  God's way is always the best and His timing is always perfect even when we don't see it and cannot understand at any given moment but when we see what seems to be bad things happening in our life, when life disappoints us we blame God and let our faith slide down a slippery slope and we throw up our hands in despair.

Truth is, we can't see very far ahead of us.  Only God knows the future, what is just around the bend on our journey through this life so we really need to keep faith and trust God no matter what, but we are human and have developed a microwave mentality desiring immediate results, the now syndrome, wanting everything to fall perfectly into place according to our vision right now…but our vision isn't very good anymore and we can't see very far ahead of us.  God can.  We may not always fully understand or be able to clearly see what God has in store for us, the way ahead that He is blazing, what God is doing that our faith cannot see no matter how deeply we believe, so we just have to trust God and wait when God says "Not now."

When our dreams fall apart and it seems like life has just crashed down around us and we are back to square one with nothing left but empty hands, hold your hands out and look up.  God is right there waiting to fill your hands, your life with something even greater.  Trust Him.  We shouldn't put all our trust in our own ideas and feelings and certainly not in the world's view of things.  That will only lead us down a path of insecurity, self doubt, frustration and more disappointment.  We need to trust God and wait on the Lord and practice faith over feelings and allow God to save us from our self.  The Psalmist, David in Psalm 25: 4-6 says "Show me Thy ways, Oh Lord; teach me Thy paths.  Lead me in Thy truth and teach me for Thou art the God of my salvation; on Thee do I wait all the day.  Remember, oh Lord, Thy tender mercies and Thy loving kindnesses; for they have been ever of old."…And then in the same Psalm in verses 20 and 21 it says, "Oh keep my soul and deliver me; let me not be ashamed for I put my trust in Thee.  Let integrity and uprightness preserve me; for I wait on Thee."  This should be our constant prayer as we cling to God and His promises, as we keep faith and trust and wait on the Lord.

We need to lean on God, bring all our trials, frustrations, burdens to Him and let Him show us the way to go and follow.  God will lead us on a safe and sure path but even God can't lead if we won't follow.  We need to remember that God's way is not our way and His timing is not our timing and His plan for us may not necessarily be our plan but His way, His plan and His timing is always perfect because He is God, the very God who created us and knew us and set forth a plan for us even before we were born, God knew us and He is omnipotent.  Through Him all things are possible according to His perfect will and we need to trust and believe and keep faith and obey that will for us.  What a wonderful difference God makes.  God is good, always.

"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid:  for the Lord, Jehovah is my strength and my song.  He also is become my salvation."  Isaiah 12:2  Sometimes God says "Yes," sometimes God says "No," and sometimes God says "Wait, not now."  Psalm 40: 1-3 "I waited patiently for the Lord and He inclined unto me and heard my cry.  He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay and set my feet upon a rock and established my goings,  And He has put a new song, even praise unto God…"  Through Him all things are possible according to His perfect will and we need to trust and believe and keep faith and obey His will for us.  What a wonderful difference God makes.  God is good, always.  The prophet Isaiah said it clearly, told us the reward in waiting on God:  Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."  God does not, has not and will not abandon us in our sorrows, troubles and desolation when we keep faith with Him, put our trust in Him.  He promised He would forever be with us if we will come and follow Him, when we wait on Him and follow as He leads us, when we trust and obey His commands.  He is God and His way is perfect, so is His timing and God is good, always.

Annette Bromley

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